Part Eight

I gave my fourth adult lesson last week, and one of the students told my Mum that she loved them so much that she wanted to spend the rest of the evening learning English! Pretty cool, given it was the fourth lesson in my life!

There is a Dutch woman in town who imported her huband from Holland and then send him home when she was done.  She dates a drug dealing 18 year old, and is a kleptomaniac.

The crazy Vet got stopped by the police, and jumped out of the car yelling take the car its not mine i dont want it just let me take my tools. The police were astounded by this behaviour and let him get off with a $7 fine.

My older brother was cheating on his wife. So the wife hit the other woman with a 2 by four chunk of wood, and the other woman never came back to Garza.

Another Dutch woman over the age of fiftey took a young girl in high school to Switzerland and married her.

A fifty year old man is dating a girl in primary school in the next town.

I made enemies with my older brother's wife. She interrupted one of my classes without asking permission and I asked her to leave. So my Mum told her to stay away from me! And so far, so good!

I am getting fatter every day! They will need a winch to get me on the plane in Dec.

I have a couple of friends in my town who own a bar. This is the only place in Garza I am permitted to "hang out" with out being seen as a cheap female. A mate of theirs owns a very exclusive hotel 7 kms from my town. He came into the bar the other day incredibly frustrated because Harrison Ford had been on the phone trying to make a reservation "I dont care if the Queen of the England is there, I want to stay for two weeks in April" he quoted. But unfortunately he was fully booked and had to turn him down.

I was so excited about this, I ran to tell my directors and they had no idea who Harrison Ford was!

I havent driven a car in since my stint of lessons four years ago except to reverse my parents car out of the garage when I am lucky.

The fiests de Nosara we on this week. My father was designated driver, and I made a big fuss saying that if he wanted to drink we should catch the bus, because otherwise he would have to drive completely sober. He does however know that I can drive.

I went to the bar, and bought my Mum and I a beer, and off we went to check out the bull riders. When we got back, my father is finishing off his fourth or fifth beer and on his way back to the bar. I refuse another beer, because I figure that the designated driver has changed, but am told that two beers would be fine to drink and drive, and am encouraged to drink up.

So after a little confusion about the word Hueco. (It mean hole, not turn), and my parents hitting the roof twice.

I got home safetly, and didnt stall once!

Part 7 

Well, I arrived at my site in Garza on Sunday afternoon. The welcome was cordial and polite. My room had been cleaned, and I have been given the best fan in the house!

Garza is stunningly beautiful. My town consists of the main street, ten houses, a school, two/three bars, a foodstore, a football field and a church. If you have been to Costa Rica before this will not come as a suprise as every single town no matter how small (and I think mine is one of the smallest) has these five things.

I am lucky because I have the sea.

First days of school. I show up whith no idea who anyone is, and after asking two or three times I finally meet my director. School starts with the national creed and anthym. This is amusing as I am expected to stand at the front with all the teachers and set an example by singing along . . . !

Of course I dont know the words.

Because nobody is sure whats going on, they invite me to teach a forty minute class to the whole school at one go. Admittedly this is only 35 students. But the skills of English ranges from absolutely nothing to almost fluent. I am also inredibly nervous because the director is watching and its my first time ever teaching.

I pin a massive smile on my face, and yell hello! The rest of the class was in Spanish, and only lasted about ten minutes! I explained the rules, and regulations of the class - and told them that the best behaved grade would win a prize!

I taught my kids to say "whatsup, nothin much!" Except they say the question and the answer all in one go. So we need to go back and review, however I was more than gratified when one of them ran past and yelled TEACHER TEACHER whats up! Nothing much! and waved his hand at me like a cool rapper and ran away!.

My fifth graders ran into my class one day yelling "teacher we dont have break we need to work through". I was mock outraged! What?!? I asked, we dont have class. Ha ha they yelled. Just kidding, and ran away to play. When they came back in after class, I told them in all seriousness that I didnt like jokes. So therefore Friday they really wouldnt have break. I forgot how smart kids can be, Instead of being upset, they laughed at me and yelled ha ha teacher! You dont work Fridays!

You might wish to reprimand me at this point for the over use of the word "yell" but its all they do!

I started my adult classes on Tuesday. This went good and bad. I had loads of cool stuff prepared. Like the explanation of the Bud ad, and Wassssssssssssuuuuuuuuuuup. I explained it slowly and carefully. Then provided to sit there for a minute wasssssssuping. Not a smile. Not a flicker.

However, I got a glimpse of a smile when I explained the whole reason behind "how you doing" and Joey from Friends. Although not as much as I would like!

I was hoping that adult classes would mean that I would make some tico friends, but its not looking good right now. It gets hard to remember to keep smiling and keep being a charming person, when nobody seems to want to chat.

Theres a crazy american who was in Vietnam. He lives with some not so crazy Americans. I introduced myself to them yesterday. They seem nice. Bonny and Rich. Maybe they will be my friends. At least if I buy a beer?

The crazy Vet sounds great. My older brother was stopped by the police for not wearing a helmet. He plead to be left go home in peace because he has a wife and children waiting for him at home. The Vet said he wouldnt have plead, he would have shot the police. That would have dealt with the problem adequately.

There is a man who beats his children in the house behind mine. I think I may be calling on the Vet at some point to deal with this person. As far as violence goes in this part of the world - it happens. Alot. Out of thirty children about four of them come to school with bruises. Like most countries the mothers must renounce the fathers. But unlike the UK or Aust, there is no social system. So if they do renounce the fathers who will pay for the food.

My diet here is very basic. I am always served rice and beans, sometimes I get meat or chicken. The high points are that I often get lobster or crab. For breakfast lunch or dinner. Because thats what my Dad does. He literally got home after a hard days work with four fish. This was a bad day.

The great thing about my Dad is that he is very quiet. Until he has a couple of beers, and then he becomes the worlds greatest conversationalist. He tells me that they are very poor, that they have had to work all of their lives for what they have, that I am very welcome, that when my family come, all five of them can stay. They can sleep on the floor! (theres no other space!)

He's a nice guy. I was worried about guys, but my family seem to be good and honest people.

MY Mum cooks for the town, works as the medical administrator, runs the church fundrasing program, sells her sewing, looks after the two old people who live in a tiny hut next door, and feed me her husband and her son. She actually wanted to do more but Chano (my Dad) gets very grumpy and doesn’t talk to her if his lunch is not on the table when he wants it.

I would make a terrible wife to a Tico man. I dont like iron, I hate to clean, and I love to cook but only when I am in the mood! Here it is expected, even if the women works, that she will do all of those things and more if it is asked by her husband.
I have really high points, where everything is awesome. I have really low points when all the women run out of my English class together to hang out and leave me behind. Or when I come home exhausted, and my new nephews and nieces are running around creating absolute havoc in my house, and all I want is time out. Then there are high points when a fourth grader draws me in all of her drawings swimming etc. just to make me happy. Low points are constantly being bitten by bugs, and putting on organic bug spray and discovering that mosquitos like the flavour. Even lower, putting on a new bug spray, and the mosquitoes leave me alone, but then these things called beechos decide they like the flavour of this new stuff. 35 bug bites later, I feel like a bag lady with fleas!

And then, I put on my swimsuit, and I swim out as far as I dare, and I float on my back and watch the sunset from the ocean, yellow and orange butterflies flutter past, and silver fish leap out of the water. The splashing of the water, and birds chasing fish are all I can hear. I remind myself that its only the first week in a year. A lot has already happened, and if I am logical and smile, its going to be a great year. Life is what I make it. Surely.

Part Six 

Its been a tormentous two weeks. Where to start.

How about with the two yanks who returned to San Jose wearing pearls again,and sporting shopping bags yelling at the top of their voice. Thats right there is two of them now rather than one!

Or how about sitting in my hotel and waiting to meet people in the reception while watching the US v. CR football game. To hear "Natasha! Natasha! where are you?" being yelled in a very strong accent from the bottom of the stairs. Tell me the ticos would believe that I support CR! The dirty looks I got after that. (US won 2 nil)

You know what. (A bit of melodrama here.) Lets talk about the shame I felt to be Australian last week when I stayed in a hotel in San Jose with a teaching (American) friend of mine. On the door there was a sign saying I HATE FUCKING ARROGANT SEPPO'S (Seppos: septic tanks, yanks, Americans).

Its funny for a while, but after that. Especially when I had to explain that it was rhyming slang. And then I had to give more examples like Madonna and Richies aversion to her showing her Rasberries.

I never talk about Madonna in the worst of situations!

I went coffee picking with a mate and his family last weekend. That was awesome. Its very hard work. The berries are red, and can be eaten – they are sweet and sort of like diluted maple syrup. The pip inside is the part that they roast, and then grind for coffee.

After coffee picking we went to his families house for lunch. They served us a local liquor straight up in large tea cups as a beverage to accompany our meal. It was saturday, so its a given that I had a hangover. Afterwards, we went to neighbours nurseries to look at all the different types of orchids that grow in Costa Rica. Luckily I was drunk enough to be interested, and on the way home they let me ride in the back of the truck. It was like a ride at Disney Land only a lot faster, and scarier.

Saturday night we stayed in San Jose, and ensuing the comments about Arrogant Seppos (where he announced that it was racist, and probably a fair comment), we went to the bar at our 5.00 dollar a night hotel. Aptly named the Gran Hotel Imperial. They serve lots of Imperial (its a beer).

We played this game called either, or. Would you either eat a hamburger with a layer of pubic hair, or lick the latrine of the mens bathroom in a nighclub at 5am in the morning (given that the club closed at that time). Would you rather date a man who has to shave his tongue three times a day or has a babies leg growing out of his neck.

I will let you guess my answers.

Manual Antonio was on Sunday, we met up with the rest of the WorldTeach gang. I should clarify here that I am not dating, have no interest, and am solely mates with this guy. I wanted to go coffee picking.

Manual was gorgeous. The water is really warm, and weather is too. I got in at 10am and didnt get out of the water until 4pm that day, and same on Monday. Needless to say that despite several applications of 45plus sunscreen, I burnt. Although - only peeling on rare parts of my shoulds thank goodness.

The waves were a really good size, and lots of fun. I definitley would liketo learn how to surf right about now!

At Manual, I got a little to comforable with my mate, and perhaps over confided him, to have him turn around and accuse me of being a two faced bitch. This wasnt much fun, and ensued in a set of tears on Tuesday Morning, outside the school where classes were going on. No one new that I spent two hours writing abuse in my diary about those GOD DAMNED IDIOTS.

The closest anyone got was - have you got an eye allergy? Which was a good thing, I didnt feel like I was ready to get sympthy hugs!

Wednesday, I got a whole lot of perspective. Chilled out and accepted that people are different here, and not like my mates in London.

Then I got sick on Wednesday evening. And you will never guess what from! My own cooking. Me and a mate (who wants to set me up with her older brother, but thats a whole other story) made dinner for our families. Except we couldnt find pizza dough, tomato paste, and mozzerella cheese. So we improvised.

I dont mind throwing up when I am drunk, but this was like chucking dry cake! And did you KNOW how much poo your butt can hold?

Friday was sad, because it was our last day of induction and we all went the direction of our respective sites. So tonight I am in San Jose. On Monday Costa Rica will be having National Elections. This a big deal here because for the first time in history there are three parties in the running rather than two! Wow, and in order to win - a party must get a
majority by 40%. This is not likely to happen, so therefore there will probably be re-elections in March.

However - the only reason I am telling you this is because they have banned all alchohol consumption in the country from this morning, until Tuesday. Can you believe it? My last day of freedom.

Part Five

Ahh, Costa Rica.

Ok, so since my last email things have definitely gotten better. I have discovered that gullible is definitely a good thing - especially when one uses it to their advantage! So everyone in my group is now aware that I feel like an outsider because I do not have the same sense of humour, and nobody can understand my accent. Whether this has anything to with the fact I that they cannot understand my jokes  . . . !

I have started to make friends, but have not yet gone to the other side! Still retaining my sense of me!

So I have a letter that I am going to send to my mum:

Dear Mum,

I have recently discovered that you are lacking in certain areas as a mother. When I return home I would ask that in the mornings you serve me breakfast as soon as I get out of the shower. I like fresh fruit (water melon and cantaloupe) and a scrambled egg. No herbs are necessary but about half a cup of butter usually does the trick for flavour. The coffee should definitely be Costa Rican, and freshly brewed.

When I arrive home, I would like to discover that you have cleaned my bedroom, mopped or vacuumed my floor, and found my dirty washing (which I keep trying to hide in different places) and washed, folded and ironed them.

In evening when I arrive home, dinner should be already ready. I could help out if I desired but really it should be done already. And if I am late home, then you should make the whole family wait for me.

I now like dinner to consist of kidney beans, rice, and some kind of meat.

If I offer to wash the dishes, I would expect an argument to ensue as you would rather wash them, so I can play and speak English with my brothers.

And when I get really tired, I would like you to bring a large bucket of warm water into the living room for me to soak my feet (and no matter how much I protest) wipe the dirt off them, and then dry them.

Your loving and faithful daughter

Mucho Amor
Mykel.

Induction classes are still incredibly boring. The Spanish ones are good, but sapping any energy for the afternoons. We had another cultural adjustment session the other day where we had to write down our worse case scenarios. Mine were that my bus falls off a cliff and no one knows.

That’s a worse case scenario.

Another class was learning "how to teach" but it was like learning to suck eggs. Anyway, one of my mates decided he’d had enough. So we had this kid’s game to play where you were shown a fruit and the first person to yell out the name was the winner.

He YELLED out the answer. Someone would say platano, and he would bellow PLATANO!  (banana)


Anyway itinerary is as follows: tomorrow I go to my site, Garza for a weekend visit and no one knows that I am coming. Good.

Garza is where I will be living for a whole year. These are the people I am going to see everyday for the next eleven months.

Worse Case scenario: all the people from WorldTeach decide to come and live with me.

Next weekend I am going Coffee bean picking! I am so excited. I have never done anything like this before. My family in La Lucha can’t understand the excitement!

After the coffee bean experience I am going to Manual Antonio which is the most beautiful beach town in Costa Rica. I am going with some pretty cool people (Heather[who I met in Boston], Jeff [who has spent a lot of time with Brits], Dan [the wanna be med student who went to Brown], Michael [who is not referred to as Mike so makes my life confusing, the one who yelled out PLATANO], Jenni [who I also met in Boston, very cool chick and down to earth], Sam [nice smart down to earth], and Christa [looks like an Abercrombie and Fitch model]. These people definitely qualify as cool. And everyone here is really good looking so if you ever want to come down, or invest in a World Teach calendar.

Luckily the jewellery wearing and bacterial hand soap after every meal types are going to the other side of the country.

Part Four 

Wow, I am there. I am really here! After two years of planning I am in this cloudy, cold mountanous region, I need seven blankets a night . . . say what?

I hear you people stuck in England laughing.
 
The training session in the La Lucha is the coldest place in Costa Rica, and probably one of the highest. So basically I literally live in the clouds. Its amazingly beautiful, but its also amazingly cold.

However today I am in San Jose emailing you, and its about 25, and where I am going its going to be about 38. I dont think I will manage there either! Oh, yeah, I will!

So far so . . . . good? No, in all honesty it hasnt been brilliant. I was aware of what I was going to, but nothing can prepare you for this kind of lifestyle until you get there. Women arent allowed in most bars in the villages, and if they do go they have to be escorted by their house father. It is expected that I will like cooking, and children. The guys here wont have to do their own washing, but the women will!

However, my house family is wonderful. I am so in love! My mother gets up every morning and makes me scrambled eggs for breakfast, they clean my room and do my washing. Dinner is amazing. Loads of beans, so I am a little gassy right now, but I am sure I will get used to it. I have a 13 yr old and a 6 yr old sister and a three year old brother who is famous in the town because he just walks around everywhere and acts like he owns the neighbourhood. Oh yeah, and they loved my gifts!

Things havent works out so well with the WorldTeach training. I feel like at the moment, I am being taught to suck eggs. We were told no less than twenty five time not to wear valuable stuff in San Jose because of theft. For me once would have been enough. However I finally understaood the need for repetition when one of the girls from Boston rocks up wearing pearls. Not a great one for tact, I asked her if she was mad?

Apparently.

Common sense and inelligence which comes naturally to most people I know, doesnt to these people and as they spend hours studying maps so they don’t get lost, I walk up to people and ask for directions and usually get there faster!

Although I have to say that i am in the most advance Spánish class and its too slow for me! So thats great. I feel incredibly intelligent!

There are some great people, who have done a bit of travlling, or were miraculously born with common sense, and I like these people. These people can salsa without looking ridiculous, they dont yell when something funny happened so the whole of CR doesnt know about it, and they are great fun to hang around with.

Four days in and I am having a little bit of "lets relocate back to London now" syndrome, but I am pretty sure it will pass.

We went to visit the Doctor when we first arrived, and we were told that we needed to wear bug spray 24 hours a day, because different mosquitos are around at different times of the day. So malaria at one time, jungle fever at another, and dengue at another! (I wont be in any of these regions). We´ve been told not to swim in the beaches because we may drown from the riptides, and everything we own will get stolen in San Jose. Oh yeah and
everyhing will get stolen in San Jose.

Fortunatley, touch wood (and there is alot of that around in the WorldTeach induction) I havent and wont be robbed as I have "common sense."

I have been really grateful to receive your emails. I miss you loads. I know this email isnt funny. Funny isnt me right now.  . . .

Oh yeah I have one thing for you:
I rock. We went out for lunch the other day, and I convinced a couple of people to have a beer. SO then all of a sudden everyone was drinking beer. This girl on my left said that she was worried about feeling sick so she didnt want to drink until she adjust to the water. I told her that the alchohol would probably kill any bacteria, and that it was probably a good idea to drink.

She ordered spirits.

And everynight since at least a couple of us have been out for a beer!

Oh yeah we were also told that we would definitely get sick from the change in diet, and water. Finally those four years of constant diarryhea from living in Chile have paid off! Not a thing yet!

I am happy here. I love the Costa Ricans, we played tacca tacca (table football) last night and I lost badly.