Hey!

 We have moved back to London!! A found a job and I found a job and we have an awesome apartment. More to follow, I promise!

xxx 

Guess who's back, back again. . . .

When I was away on holiday I set up automatic posting of Costa Rican articles that I had written in 2002. I gave every single one of them the same title which looked terrible in the RSS feed and I didnt explain myself in each article so many people thought that I was living in Costa Rica again! Terribly unclear blogger. So thats my first apology . . .

The second was that in a fit of hyper organisational skills I forgot to put my guests authors posts up and so they are owed extra special apologies! (and will be featured this week)

So to show you that he does have a strong influence on me the final apology is for my lack of updated photos, links and articles over the past two days. Im quite embarassed to have let it all slip.

But Im back, back again. Nat is back, tell a friend . . . .

:-)

P.S. My comments section isnt working very well. We have no idea why, yet but I promise you that we are working on it!

P.P.S I have back dated this to monday so that I can put my guest authors up today!!

Part 11 

Sunday I got back into Garza with a sense of maybe I will get kicked out of town this weekend and shunned . . . ?
I arrived into Garza and wondered off to the bar where a new found Dutch friend was waiting for me with a beer. So I had sat and had a beer and about eight Ginger Ales. When my bladder just couldnt take the pressure anymore I returned home and did some preparation for classes for the first time, in a long time!

Instead of kicking me out of town Ma and Pa took me to the hidden illegal bar behind our house, and bought me a beer. At the bar, Pa broke the news that Bonnie and Rich´s boat had sunk that evening. It´s a 31 foot yacht. Not exactly an easy thing to sink!

I get up Monday morning, and as I am leaving the house for school Eduardo walks in the front door, and says in English - I would like to take you to Ostional (a neighbouring village) this week if you like. I turn and look at him and say that I am not sure if I can go . . .

Monday is a GREAT day at school. I am teaching clothes, and it was hysterical to watch the kids try on my swimsuit! In the afternoon I run into my new "boyfriend" and he asked me when we were going to talk. I was like, well whenever you like. He said later? I said after class about 7.30pm.

However when I got to the bar (Bonnie and Rich´s bar being the only bar that I hang out at), all the Mora family were there offering to help pull the yacht out of the water. Also my new Dutch friend was also there.  A little bit of gossip to catch you up here. The Dutch man at this point is dating a friend of mine who is the town whore - Patricia. Patricia rented an apartment to Eduardo and his first lover after he got Lucy pregnant, and so is absolutely detested by my house mother.

So Dutch man buys me a beer, and I help translate for B and R, and then I get home. But I dont get home until 8.30 and so my "boyfriend" who lives right in between the house and the bar has gone to bed angry with me and doesnt show up to pick me up!

Tuesday is another great day in classes. Bonnie and Rich are running aruond buying barrels which they will put under the yacht in order to lift it out of the water, and suspicion starts working its way out of the woodwork.

Garza is made up of three main families. Barrantes, Mora and Rodriguez. None of these families get along, they do not intermingle or socialise with each other, and they certainly dont intermarry - so more often than not they marry amongst themselves. It´s gross.

I belong to the Barrantes family, and my grandfather is a very bad man. They say that when he was younger they sent his own family to kill him so he couldnt have any children and pass on his bad genes. Apparently he has calmed down now and only gets involved in property wars.

Bonnie and Rich bought a lot on the beach in Garza a couple of years ago from a Canadian guy. They thought they were being careful, they went through Costa Rican lawyers, and followed all given guidelines. As it happens Grandpa Barrantes used to work in the Municipality of Nicoya (which is my county) and he still has a lot of different friends in high places. After B&R bought their land, Barrantes had a friend slip a piece of paper into the file saying that the land belonged to him. Which therefore negated the sale to the Canadian, and doubly negated the sale to B&R. However the form that he put in the file is dated 1984, but the form that he used didnt actually come into existence until 1992.

When B&R came to CR four years ago they were rolling in dough. Bad deals with a bum partner who took away half of their business, a yacht with bad machines that they havent been able to fix for two years (sport fishing being their main source of income, ´cause the bar just doesnt pay) and incredible amounts of bad luck have meant that their saving have dwindled down to practically nothing. In fact they were down to their last $20 as of Thursday.

Grandpa Barrantes hates B&R, he has tried all sort of intimidation techniques to scare them out of Costa Rica, steal back the property, and destroy their valuables.

So people were very suspicious about Grandpa sinking the yacht intentionally. Interestingly enough my house mother has become very interested in the actions and movements of Bonnie and Rich. She has also become very closed about gossip on the Barrantes family, when the previous week she was practically foaming at the mouth about how much she hated her father in law.

Tuesday night is pizza night in Garza, where all the gringos go out and have pizza (obviously) for dinner, and catch up on gossip! My friend the Dutchmen has dumped Patricia, and offers to buy me dinner. So when i get back from adult classes that evening (at 7.30) he is waiting for me in the bar having a beer with . . . Eduardo. So we are all joking and laughing, and I teach Edaurdo a few choice phrases like wine, dine, sixty-nine, and FBG (fuck, breakfast, gone) so he can be in on the jokes.

We go to leave for pizza, and Edaurdo announces that he might come and join us for a beer a bit later, and we are both like yeah, you should definitley be there! Luckily (I guess) dues to the way the bar is set up, I am able to sit next to the Dutchman, and Eduardo is unable to get to me for even a little bit of recreational chat. Dutchman and I have laods in common, and we spend hours talking about music, food etc! Eduardo leaves early, and Dutchman takes me home - and believe you me - nothing happens and nor do I desire it.

Wed, and I show up for my private lesson with Patricia, and she is crying. Despite the fact that she has about seven different boyfriends, a bunch of one night stands, and hasnt seen this guy for over seven months, her heart is apparently broken. So we agree that all men are complete and utter idiots, and when she asks me if I will go out and drink with her, I tell her that I cant, but I dont say it´s because I am going out for dinner again with the Dutchman.

I go home and tell Teresa that Patricia and Dutchman have broken up and that he has invited me out for dinner. Teresa is very excited for me and encourages me whole heartedly to go out! She asks for an update of the B&R situation, and I think nothing of it and fill her in!

That evening, everyone in the bar is really upset. They almost got the yacht out of the water, but the Mora´s rigged one of the barrels up wrng and a part of the yacht snapped off, and everyone watched on as the yacht almost surfaced and then went tumbling back down into the depths of the deep blue sea.

Eduardo is in the bar as I am on my way to adult classes, and asks what time I will be back. I say 7.30 but that I am going out for dinner. He looks resigned, and says - with the Dutchman. I am angry at the intrusion of my privacy and get up to leave and say yes, I am going out for dinner with friends.

Dinner with the Dutchman was hilarious, not because spoke to him so much but because all my gringo friends were out in Nosara that evening, and I got invited to play in bridge games, and was filled in on all sorts of gossip.
Nothing happened once again.

It´s Thursday. I didnt sleep well . . . funny night mares. There is definite evidence that the yacht has been sabotaged by my grandpa, and it´s starting to dawn on me that his source of information may well have been . . . me.

After classes Teresa and I were chatting and she asked with a funny glint in her eye if Patricia had seen me with the Dutchman. No no no I said.

hang on a second say what?

I tell Teresa that I need to go find Bonnie and tell her something, and that I will be right back. Teresa comes running after me and asks what do you need to tell Bonnie? At this point I am paranoid. If she can get to Patricia through me, then is it possible that she would use  me to get information about B&R from me? I avoid answering, and run out the door.

I get to Patricia´s house, and she is NOT pleased to see me. Apparently my boyfriend who I havent seen all week, and who lves in between the bar and my house has been filling her ears with an exact itinerary of my movements with her ex boyfriend the Dutchman.

As I start explaining to her that nothing is going on, reality hits with a vengeance, and I start crying because the parents that I have trusted with a whole lot of stuff since January are using me as a means to their own ends.
I feel worthless, betrayed, and simply, devestated. Patricia gives me a hug, and promises me that she believes me that nothing is going on and says that if I ever need a place to stay . . .!

I go back home and Teresa come running, she has heard that Bonnie is leaving for the States and did I know anything? When was Bonnie leaving? I looked her in the eye and told her I didnt know, and went to pack my stuff to leave for meetings in San Jose.

Eduardo arrives, and I am still upset and he gives me a filthy look. His Mum leaves him alone for five seconds, so I walk up to him and I told him that I had just spoken to Patricia. His face lights up, and he´s like sit down, tell me what happened. SO I told him that nothing was going on, that his mother was hoping to get to her through me, and that I wasnt anyones toy.
 
The relief on his face was tangible, and he wasnt suprised about his Mum. I was like, I am sick of everyone being so angry with me. Even my "boyfriend"  is mad at me I said. Oh really, he asked, so you two are really ready to be together. I dont know, I said. What do you think? I asked. At that moment his mother walked up with a piece of paper in her hand and said this is what we received. Eduardo glanced at it, and said ok and handed it back. No longer having an excuse to hover she walked away in a huff.

So, what do you think, I asked. I cant say, he replied. Yes you can, I said.

He looked at me, looked away and very subtly blew me a kiss.

Part Ten 

I´ve been having an affair. He´s a married man. He has three chlidren. He is the older brother in my host family.

Shocking I know.

Let me tell you what the town gossips tell me about Eduardo, and then I will tell you about me! About five years ago, Ed had a one night stand with a woman named Lucy. Lucy consequently got pregnant and they tried to have a relationship. However, Lucy turned out to be one of the worlds biggest cows, and in the space of nine months managed to turn the whole of Garza against her, including Ed.

Everyone in Garza loves Eduardo, he is charming, he loves to laugh, he is incredibly goodlooking, and most importantly he is kind. The perfect victim for a woman like me to comfort right? So when the town kicked Lucy out because nobody could live with her, nor wanted to rent their houses to her, they were thrilled when he started his first affair and Lucy went back to San Jose.

Teresa (his mother, my house mother) had met her first grandchild Steven and had fallen in love. So she took Eduardo aside and said, I want my grandchild. If you do not go get him for me, you cannot live here anymore.

Let me quickly interrupt to say that this is not a travelling culture, most people in Garza haven´t got any concept of their capital city, let alone moving away from their homes. For the majority of people who didnt finish primary school (like Eduardo), leaving their family to start another life is simply unthinkable.

Lucy said if you do not stay with me, then you will never see your son. Laws in this country favour the mother 100%, there is no such thing as visiting rights. So Eduardo brought his wife and son back to Garza, and built his family a house 4kms away.

The say she violated him for the second child, and the third child was after they made up. The fourth child they had she lost after being five months pregnant, because she went dancing when she was warned to stay in bed.

And then there is me. When I first me Eduardo way back in January, i knew that he was dangerous. He is so sexy, funny, charming delightful an funny. And he wants me. Anyway about three weeks ago, we had sex for the first time on thebeach. It was amazing, trash novel stuff. The next day my parents arrived, so that kind of put a damper on the whole love affair and it was put on hold for a week.

The following Sunday, Lucy was away. At ten in the evening Eduardo showed up and  we took the slats out of my window in his (our?) parents house, and had sex with his parents asleep next door. The next day I found a cigarette butt on the floor. I put it in the trash and didnt think anything more of it.

In the next week, things got really stressful. Eduardo was around, and he wasnt really talking to me but he kind of was, they changed my hours at school so I am teaching 8 minute lessons with three levell grades at once, and I start drinking every night.

It got to a point when one Sunday I was sleeping in a friends hamock and I was really close to tears. I just wanted to get out of there. I wanted to go back to London and hang out with my best mate Vic, I wanted a hug, I wanted to skating, I wanted to work 8 hours day in front of a computer, eat bangers and mash and drink a large pint of Hoegaarden.

Monday school was unbearable, I was told that my horario would just have to be adjusted to or it was bad luck. Monday night Teresa was worried about my homesickness, told Eduardo who took me out for beers to cheer me up. I showed up for adults class tipsy. After classes, the owner of the bar proceeded to tell me that I was going to get my wish. Teresa was going to oust me out of Garza as the town whore, and make sure that everyone knew that they didnt want me teaching their kids. I got very drunk that night.

Tuesday I didnt show up for school, and I told the town that I was homesick, and I wanted to go home. That day I went with a couple of guys into the mountains, to see stunning views of my area. One of the gentleman I was with had been living in my area for over ten years.

He asked me how I was enjoying living here, and I said that it had gotten pretty rough recently. That I was having an affair, and that i was really homesick.  I wasnt really happy.

He said that he was sorry about the affair, because it really made a difference to life here. He said that the family would definitely know about the affair. But the fact that Eduardo is the oldest son is paramount to them, and as long as I was keeping him happy they would say nothing. The moment I make the son unhappy the parents would speal up. Ending it was definitely recommended because he was certain that I was being solely used for sex and that nothing would come of it. I hope you dont have feelings for this guy, he said.

Feelings would be a bad idea.

His recommended course of action was to take another lover, because then the family would tease their son for not being able to hold his own, and find different accomodations. Or. Well no or.

That day I proceeded to get very stoned. Very drunk. And not very happy.

Wednesday I spent the day with my host family, hanging out with the grandkids, sleeping, swimming etc. I snuck over to the bar for beer at 9, 11, 1, and 3. An afternoon swim found me daydreaming about drinking so much that maybe I could get accepted into rehab, so then I would at least be able to talk about it to someone, because nobody understood.

My next door neighbour got dumped by his girlfriend on Tuesday, and so he showed up at my house on Wed also drunk. We went out together that night, and he announced to everyone that I was his girlfriend. i got so drunk I threw up on the beach.

Thursday. Bad headache day. Not good. My house mom made me so much yellow food - egges toast with butter. I was almost sick just looking at it. Lucy came over on Thursday to wash clothes. She´s actually pretty good with her kids. Yells at them alot, but its not like she has anyone else to talk to.

The hangover was really bad, but I was due to leave on the 1pm bus to San Jose, and so I had to clean my room. Under my bed I found more cigarette butts. I thought thats strange why would anyone hide cigarette butts in their pockets? And then I found one with lipstick on it. In between Lucy leaving, and ten in the evening Eduardo had been with yet another woman.

All of sudden the hangover temporarily lifted. Lucy was outside rocking her baby in the hamock, a breeze drifted in through the window, and my life for the first time in a month twinged into focus. He deserved her, and I was worth more than this.

It´s over. The only time anything has happened has been when I have made myself avaliable, and I will no longer do so.

This weekend I went white water rafting, I jumped from cliffs, they let me be the guide, and I fell off the back of the boat in the middle of a rapid, we floated through canyons and swam under waterfalls. I spoke in french, I spoke in Spanish, I even spoke in English, I intorduce my french to salty licorice, I explained the ending of the Count of Monte Cristo.

When I go back to Garza tomorrow morning, I am taking guitair strings for my mates guitair cause she said she´d teach me for free. I am taking photocopies for my school kids, and god damn it they are going to learn while laughing.

If that man come within inches of me, I am going to be charming delightful, and well untruly avaliiable. But if he knocks on my window the earphones will be in, and fly net will be closed. And if they call me the town whore - well then I think my new drunk boyfriend (NOT!!!) might have something to say about that!

Part Nine

So I know its been a while. Life here has been really hectic. Family have been to visit, new friends have come and gone, and I have become more accustomed to living in Costa Rica!

A couple of weeks ago I went to San Jose to buy a bike. A friend of mine told me that the bike store was at a certain place, which it wasnt and so after three hours of wandering around a very hot San Jose, I finally found a bike store. Tired, very hungover and dehydrated I stumbled into the store and literally, and in a very blonde like manner, bought the first bike I saw.

Afterwards I went to the bus station to buy my ticket back to Garza and to check if I could actually bring my new bike with me on the bus. Certainly, they said, but in peices. Oh oh, I had bought bike all put together and had no idea how to take it apart. So they told me to bring it in, and they would try to pull it apart for me.

The next morning I wake, up and the baggage handlers are waiting for me. Where are your tools they asked? Umm, I havent got any tools. Anyway to cut a long story shoprt they found some tools, pulled the bike apart and put it on the bus for me.

Seven hours later, me an bike arrived in Garza all safe and sound (the bike still in pieces) and I took to my local bar, where the manager is also a mechanic. Everyone I know at this point is at the bar watching it get fixed, when all of a sudden the mechanic yells PLASTIC PEDALS!° WHAT KIND OF IDIOT WOULD BUY A BIKE WITH PLASTIC PEDALS???

Everyone starts laughing at me at this point, and another person points out the lettering on the side of my bright blue bike which in BRIGHT yellow says THUNDER. Yeah, he chortles, and who would buy a bike named THUNDER! Ha ha, he continues, only someone from . . . yep you guessed it . . DOWN UNDER!!!

Sure enough the next day I get on my bike to ride to the next town, and 500 metres out of Garza, the pedal falls off, and I gash open my leg. So I come back to the bar the next night, and they fix my bicycle for me, buy me a beer for my leg, and proceed to spend the next three hours laughing at me, but ensure me that the pedal is now fixed.

Not even 300 metres out of town, and the pedal falls off. So I am in the bar, everyone laughing at me again, and a neighbour walks in with superglue. He sticks my pedals back, and tells me that not even God could get the pedal off this time.

I walk in the bar the next day waving the pedal proclaiming Im god.

So it is established that Thunder needs new pedals, and that in the meantime I can borrow the barmaids bike to go to the next town. So I am riding along on her bike, and I manage to get to my destination and back a couple of time until. . .

I am riding down a fairly steep hill, and think thats funny - the steering is a bit loose. So I keep going hoping that I am going to make it to the next town, and as I try to stear one way the handle bars literally lift off the bike and I ride smackbang into the side of a mountain!

Meanwhile, some friends of mine from San Jose have tried to fix Thunder, proclaim they have suceeded and are all using my bike. They ride for hours on my bike. I personally think that they are suicidal, but they dont seem to mind the risk, and after a week, I decide that maybe it could be fixed and get on.

I dont make it past the driveway.

Anyway its now been a couple of weeks since I have been on a bike, and the pedals have now been replaced on Thunder. I am slightly wary of riding a bike and have been walking everywhere. However today is the big day! Wish me luck!

We wrote a song to commemorate the bicycle:

I come from a land down under
And my bike, it’s name is thunder
you better watch out
you better take cover
cos here I come with my bike thunder!